What About Love
by TacomaSquall
Summary: Songfic about Quistis' POV of the Graduation Ball. R/R Please!


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What About Love?

by TacomaSquall

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: The song lyrics are from Heart's hit single of the same name, released on their self-titled album in the mid-'80s. It just seemed to fit Quisty, especially during this scene.

Quistis Trepe stood on the ballroom balcony. Behind her, SeeDs, students, and faculty were celebrating the graduation of four new SeeD cadets. Quistis was glad for the cadets, three of whom were her students, but her mood of celebration had been ruined by the talk she had earlier that evening with the Headmaster, Cid Kramer.

It was all her fault. She had been entrusted with the molding of two extremely rough-edged diamonds. One of them, Seifer Almasy, had allowed his overconfidence and arrogance to almost get his entire squad wiped out in the SeeD Final Exam in Dollet Dukedom. He directly disobeyed orders, because it suited his whims. Seifer led his team to the Galbadian forces' objective, it is true, showing remarkable initiative, but his headstrong dash into danger had forced his squad to face a terrifying mechanical construct that pursued them throughout their forced withdrawal from the beleaguered town. And the other, Squall …

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I've been lonely,  
I've been waiting for you.  
I'm pretending,  
And it's all I can do.  
The love I'm sending  
Ain't making it through to your heart.

Squall had allowed his pride and willfulness to paint the squad into a corner, not backing down when Seifer challenged the rest of the squad to follow him in disobeying the orders given to Squad A. Squall's actions during the forced withdrawal enabled the young man to pass the test, but he should have followed orders instead of letting Seifer goad him into doing something that almost got himself killed!

Due to her failures with both Seifer and Squall, Cid had ordered that she was to no longer be an instructor of SeeDs. At the age of 18, she been found unworthy of being the youngest instructor in Balamb Garden's faculty. The only thing that saved her from that crushing blow to her pride was the fact that she would finally be able to relate to Squall as an equal.

Squall was a mystery to Quistis. He had the skills, both physical, social and mental, to be a great leader. If he permitted it, he would easily be the most popular man on the Garden's campus, due to his handsome looks (even with that awful scar he received from Seifer) and honesty.

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You've been hiding,  
Never letting it show.  
Always trying,  
To keep it under control.  
You've got it down,  
And you're well on the way to the top…  
But there's one thing that you forgot.

The problem was, Squall walled himself away from everyone. He wouldn't allow himself to care for anyone or anything. Something had happened to the young man that made him put everyone at arm's length. He carried himself with a stone wall of unconcern masking the pain from some long-ago tragedy.

Quistis yearned to break through that wall of indifference. She wanted to show Squall that he could care for people, and let them care for him. As an instructor, she could not break through that wall. After she had lost her position, she came to the dance, hoping for a chance to speak to Squall and finally make him see, without him being able to retreat behind the formality of a teacher-student relationship.

All that hope had come crashing down when she saw him dancing with the raven-haired girl in the yellow dress. Quistis saw the two together and felt the agony of seeing the man she loved with another woman, matching her stride for stride, swooping gracefully through the steps of the waltz to the strains of that romantic song by Julia Heartily. Now she stood on the balcony, trying to gather the shards of her wounded dreams and regain her composure.

She heard footsteps, behind her, and stepped away from the balcony ledge, leaning against the wall to the right of the archway that led back to the ballroom. Her eyes went wide in shock, and she froze as she saw who it was. Squall!

Squall strode onto the balcony, seemingly lost in thought. He noticed her presence, and ignored her. Quistis took the respite to try and gain enough composure to slip away from him quietly. She waited and counted to ten slowly, and then eased a foot toward the archway.

Squall looked up at her. She tried to dismiss the pounding of her heart as she spoke softly. "You really are an excellent student." Trying to seem nonchalant, she continued. "Even that dance was perfect."

Squall gave her a brief half-nod. "Thank you." He turned and went back to his contemplation.

Quistis gathered her courage, willing herself to either tell Squall how she felt or run away as quickly as possible. Her battle against her indecision went on for an eternity, until Squall looked at her again.

His voice became a little rough, "Yes?"

Quistis forged ahead, her heart in her mouth. "So you'll dance with someone you don't even know, but you can't stand being around me?"

"Whatever." Squall shrugged. "You're an instructor, and I'm your student."

Quistis looked back at the ballroom, where the orchestra began playing a new piece from an opera. Quistis could never remember the name of the song, but it was often called 'Celes' Song' because of the woman who made the song popular so many years ago.

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I can't tell you  
What you're feeling inside.  
And I can't sell you  
What you don't want to buy.  
Something's missing,  
You've gotta look back on your life.  
You know something there just ain't right!

Squall saw the look back at the ball, and sighed. "It's kind of awkward when you don't say anything."

Quistis nodded to herself, and said in a soft tone, "That's true. I was like that myself." She had an idea and decided to forge ahead with it. Feigning a sudden reminder, she said, "Oh, I completely forgot. I've come to give you an order. You and I are to go to the 'secret area'." Seeing Squall's look of incomprehension, she added, "It's where the students secretly meet up and talk after curfew. It's inside the training centre.

Squall looked even more surprised. "What do you want to do there? Are we going there to tell everyone they're violating curfew?" Quistis was surprised to hear the usually taciturn SeeD crack what amounted to a joke, for him. He shook his head in negation. "If that's the case, forget it. Leave that for the disciplinary committee."

Quistis laughed. "Go get changed and meet me in front of the centre. This will be my last order." Quistis turned away from the SeeD and started to go through the archway, pausing when she noticed that Squall hadn't moved. "Question?"

Squall asked, "What do you mean, last order?"

"Well, I have a lot on my mind." Quistis walked briskly into the ballroom.

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What about love?  
Don't you want someone to care about you?  
What about love?  
Don't let it slip away.  
What about love?  
I only want to share it with you.  
You might need it some day.

As Quistis walked through the partygoers, she hoped that Squall would listen to her. This was going to be the best chance she had to tell him how she felt, and possibly the only chance she might have to break through that reserve to the man underneath…

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Fin


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